Project 365, day 008.

The past two days have been pretty eventful. Last night Brianna slept over and we made dinner together (chicken parmesean pasta with toasted ravioli in pepper sauce - yum!), watched The Lovely Bones, 500 Days of Summer, and Remember the Daze. Went through a bunch of old pictures we found out in the garage and discovered that Emma looks almost identical to how I looked as an infant. Maybe she doesn't look exactly like her sperm donor after all.

Sperm Donor's grandma came by at 2:30 to visit with Emma and we ended up talking for about an hour. I'm still incredibly shocked at how nice his family seems considering he turned out to be such a worthless piece of shit. She told me that they sent him two pictures of Emma and that they, and I quote, "made him cry". I call BS on the crying and I'm a little indifferent about the fact that he's being sent pictures when he hasn't even acknowledged her existence to anyone but them, but I guess he was bound to see what she looks like eventually. It is what it is. I just want him to keep leaving us alone.

I decided to cook dinner again tonight and it turned out pretty awesome. Stuffed chicken and tortellini pasta. I stuffed the chicken with ricotta, parmesean, mozzarella, basil, garlic, and tomatoes and stole a sauce recipe from Olive Garden for the pasta. Gouda, parmesean, bacon, chicken, white wine, rosemary, basil, artichokes... It was ridiculously om nom nom-worthy. After dinner Brianna & I decided to take Emma on a walk down to Sperm Donor's grandparent's house (they live on the street next to mine) so his grandpa could finally see Emma in person.

Tomorrow's plan... Go by the bank to deposit a check and open a savings account for Emma, WIC appointment, Department of Children and Families, pick up Chris, and go by CVS. I think that's it, anyway. Apparently Walmart refuses to print the pictures I take of Emma because they're "professional". LOL, WOT. Anywayyyy, damn. I am so exhausted out of my mind. I feel like I could sleep for days if I didn't have to get up to tend to Emma every 3 hours. Maybe one day I'll get someone to watch her for like 6 hours just so I can take a nap and feel... I don't know, recharged. Yawnnn.

I would just like to know how I am still sick. I've gone through nearly three - yes, three - boxes of tissues and my nose is still kicking my ass! I thought my body would run out of mucous by now, but I guess not.

I went and had my glucose test done on Monday and it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be, but it still sucked. I expected the drink to taste 100x worse than what it did from all the stories I've heard. It was gross but it wasn't unbearable, I think I drank it in less than 5 minutes. I started getting a little dizzy after about 45 minutes but that was probably because I was hungry as hell and the baby was on some kind of crazy sugar high. I got really sick after I got home and ate, I felt like I was going to pass out and/or throw up everywhere, so I went to sleep for about 5-6 hours and felt a little better when I woke up. Glad I got that over with, now I just want to know if I passed or not. I'm assuming I did otherwise they'd probably call to let me know I failed.


My belly picture for this week! I still feel kind of small but I think I'll be "popping out" any day now. I'm starting to get my first stretchmarks above and under my belly button and I do not like them at alllll. I'm so worried about having a saggy post-baby belly. Yeah, yeah, I know everybody says "childbirth/motherhood is beautiful and so are stretchmarks" - bullshit. Stretchmarks are ugly and I want to be able to wear a bikini without people thinking I had surgery to swap out my stomach for an 80-year-old's ass.

I should probably write something about my personal life and how I'm feeling when it comes to certain people, but I think I'm stuck in some sort of denial phase right now. I don't want to admit that I care about somebody (This somebody is NOT Jessie, by the way, I will never be dumb enough to make that mistake again) because I'm not okay with the idea of getting hurt. I'm also not okay with the idea of caring for somebody who does not feel the same way about me. So, instead of venting about how I feel on this subject via blog, I've been turning my free time into drawing time and tacking pictures all over my wall. Maybe one day I'll feel comfortable enough to write about it on here, I think I'm just worried people will read my stuff and know when something is about them.

Oh! I finally got around to watching The Lovely Bones online. I didn't really know if I wanted to watch it or not since it's one of my all time favorite books and movies usually suck in comparison, but it wasn't too bad. Obviously the book was loads better but I thought the movie did pretty good. Made me cry like a baby which is exactly what the book did, so mission accomplished, Peter Jackson and Alice Sebold! It's not going to be one of my favorite movies but it's definitely worth watching, so I think you should all go see it.

"These were the lovely bones that had grown around my absence: the connections – sometimes tenuous, sometimes made at a great cost, but often magnificent – that happened after I was gone."