Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Alright, new idea! How about instead of a Project 365... I call this a Project Whenever I Have Time to Post Pics. Yep, I'm liking the sound of that a lotttt more.

We're considering taking a trip up to DC to try to find a house to move into before the forced move. The military is trying to screw us on our housing situation so right now we're pretty much fucked. We've been buying the house we live in now because we didn't expect to get orders again before my dad retires and usually the government will buy your house if they force you to move. Well, they don't do that anymore, so they told us to just move and either pay monthly for BOTH houses (which is out of the question) or to just foreclose on this one. Really? FORECLOSURE? Not the answer. Hopefully this will all work itself out. I have a feeling it will.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I'll never understand how people can be so shitty to those who care about them. I know I sound like a whiny little brat every time I vent about something on here... But I really don't have anyone to talk to and I need to get things off my chest. Honestly, this shouldn't even bother me because the people who are getting to me are nowhere near worth my time, but I guess they matter when they're as good as it gets in a town like this.

I'm not perfect by any means but I make damn sure that I treat people the way I want to be treated in return. NOBODY likes to be talked bad about being their back, nobody likes to be lied to, ignored, and pretty much shown that nobody wants anything to do with them. I am constantly confused with how I have nothing solid in my life because I know I deserve better. I am a good friend. I'm funny, I might not be the most entertaining person to hang out with because I don't drink and/or do any drugs - but I'm not a total bore, either, I'm a good listener, I give decent advice, I don't (usually) get jealous, and I give my all to people when I care about them.

I am at the point where I can honestly say I have no friends. I have people who tell me they miss me and that we should hang out soon, but if I died today hardly anybody would care enough to go to my funeral. Do you know how that feels? There is a lot I could elaborate on but... I just don't know what to do. I don't know where to go from here, I don't know how to meet new people and find friends who are actually worth my time.

I am so ready to move. October needs to hurry up.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Things have been a little too hectic for me to remember to update this every day. My family got new station orders... to Washington DC. Scott got a job at the PENTAGON. While I'm sad to leave a couple of people behind, I'm very excited. I love fresh starts. I love four seasons. I love big cities. I love that I get to move Emma to a town that has so much culture and educational activities. This is a good thing. Sad, but good.

Project 365, day 022.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Project 365, day 021.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Project 365, day 019.

Project 365, day 018.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Project 365, day 017.

Friday, June 18, 2010

I keep forgetting to post my p365 pictures on the right day. Whoops! There's just been so much going on during the day to remember to update before 12am. Please forgive me, blog of mine. XOXO.

The picture from yesterday is one of the baby Mockingbirds from the nest outside my dining room window. There were three babies and yesterday two of them took flight - this little runt stayed behind and ended up falling out of the nest earlier today. I watched it hop around the yard for a little bit, enough to see if it could fly or not, and it couldn't fly so I decided it would be best to pick it up and put it back in the nest. Birds won't really neglect their babies if someone touches them - that's a proven myth. But, anyway, the little bird wanted to be difficult and jumped back out of the nest. We have two hunting dogs who would eat that little thing up in a heartbeat so I followed it around until it hopped out of the yard through a hole in the fence. The entire time the parent Mockingbirds were circling over us, squawking like crazy, and trying to dive-bomb attack me. Those bitches are INTIMIDATING! I was worrying pretty bad about the little bird because I know it probably won't survive if it's not ready to fly yet. It will most likely either a) hop back into our yard and be eaten by our dogs, b) hop into a neighbor's yard and get eaten by one of their dogs, or c) hop into the road and get run over. Or get picked up by a bigger bird... who knows? But, you know how the whole 'out of sight, out of mind' thing goes. So once it was out of sight, it was out of mind. Until I heard a noise outside of our front door. I looked out and there was the little Mockingbird with the parents circling overhead. I opened the door to try to see if I could catch it and try to put it back into the nest once more but it took off hopping and the parents started trying to attack me once again, so I took off running because those things have sharp beaks and talons. Screw that! I know it's just a little bird and baby birds don't make it all the time... but I feel really terrible knowing that this innocent little baby most likely won't survive. Poor thing. :( Hopefully I'll quit feeling like crap about it soon. And my dogs do NOT want me to catch them eating the little guy because I will be pissed beyond belief.

I thought it was cool having a nest right outside my window because I could see everything. I saw them from egg to flight, I saw how the parent birds feed them, how they have to work harder than humans to keep their babies alive. It was like having Animal Planet in my backyard! But it is way, way too stressful to have a nest of babies in your backyard when you have a Basset Hound and a Labrador Retriever. I think I'll have my step-dad take down the nest sometime tomorrow so they don't return to it. Out of sight, out of mind.

Project 365, day 016.

Project 365, day 015.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Project 365, day 014.

Project 365, day 013.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Project 365, day 012.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Emma is officially 3 months old today and she decided to start it off with a new accomplishment - laughing for the first time! I could tell she's been trying to for a couple of weeks now but it finalllllyy happened. It was only a little chuckle but it was a chuckle all the same. She started rolling over stomach to back around 6 weeks old and she's working hard to roll from back to stomach now, I have a feeling she'll start doing that within the next two weeks. I never realized how exciting baby milestones could be. :D

Project 365, day 011.

Also, check out my new "Seen in 2010" section on the right. This was something I did about two years ago and I forgot how fun it was. I added about 15 movies to my Netflix instant queue, now it's just a matter of finding enough time to watch them.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Project 365, day 010.

Ashley Goot finally came by to see us! <3

Friday, June 11, 2010

Project 365, day 009.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Project 365, day 008.

The past two days have been pretty eventful. Last night Brianna slept over and we made dinner together (chicken parmesean pasta with toasted ravioli in pepper sauce - yum!), watched The Lovely Bones, 500 Days of Summer, and Remember the Daze. Went through a bunch of old pictures we found out in the garage and discovered that Emma looks almost identical to how I looked as an infant. Maybe she doesn't look exactly like her sperm donor after all.

Sperm Donor's grandma came by at 2:30 to visit with Emma and we ended up talking for about an hour. I'm still incredibly shocked at how nice his family seems considering he turned out to be such a worthless piece of shit. She told me that they sent him two pictures of Emma and that they, and I quote, "made him cry". I call BS on the crying and I'm a little indifferent about the fact that he's being sent pictures when he hasn't even acknowledged her existence to anyone but them, but I guess he was bound to see what she looks like eventually. It is what it is. I just want him to keep leaving us alone.

I decided to cook dinner again tonight and it turned out pretty awesome. Stuffed chicken and tortellini pasta. I stuffed the chicken with ricotta, parmesean, mozzarella, basil, garlic, and tomatoes and stole a sauce recipe from Olive Garden for the pasta. Gouda, parmesean, bacon, chicken, white wine, rosemary, basil, artichokes... It was ridiculously om nom nom-worthy. After dinner Brianna & I decided to take Emma on a walk down to Sperm Donor's grandparent's house (they live on the street next to mine) so his grandpa could finally see Emma in person.

Tomorrow's plan... Go by the bank to deposit a check and open a savings account for Emma, WIC appointment, Department of Children and Families, pick up Chris, and go by CVS. I think that's it, anyway. Apparently Walmart refuses to print the pictures I take of Emma because they're "professional". LOL, WOT. Anywayyyy, damn. I am so exhausted out of my mind. I feel like I could sleep for days if I didn't have to get up to tend to Emma every 3 hours. Maybe one day I'll get someone to watch her for like 6 hours just so I can take a nap and feel... I don't know, recharged. Yawnnn.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Project 365, day 007.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I have 4 best friends who I hardly ever get to see or talk to. It seems a little weird to call them "best friends" when there's not much effort going into the friendships, right? It's not that there's a lack of effort on my part - I try to talk to all of them. Three of them live 6+ hours away and aren't really able to come visit me and the other one likes to dedicate all of her time to only one friend (+ guys and partying) when said friend is in town. We all have such a great time when hanging out does happen and I'm always sad when one of them has to leave because I know it'll be over a month before I get to see them again. Or before we even speak.

I had my doubts about letting a friend be so involved in my labor and delivery process because friendships tend to come and go. I let her cut Emma's umbilical cord. She was there the night I finally got to bring her home from the NICU. She was there when I found out Emma was a girl, when I got my 4D ultrasound, and for Emma's first shots. But when I want to simply hang out or have a conversation - or even act like we have a friendship - she's too "busy" for me and then the next day there's a ton of pictures of her partying with other said friend. I'm not jealous of their friendship because that would be ridiculous, it just really hurts my feelings when it seems like such a fucking hassle to put effort into a friendship. I don't have many friends at all and when the couple of friends I do have only talk to me or try to get together when there's nothing better to do, it hurts. And it hurts me that I let people experience some of the most important moments of my life and yet I always come second to partying and other friends. It's amazing how uninterested people are when you no longer want to go out and get fucked up all the time. I wish I could find it in me to not care and just see shit for what it is, but I can't.

Two of my best friends are my cousins. One of them got a girlfriend (who I love!) and seems to revolve his entire world around her, so we've been talking a lot less. We've been best friends since birth and, despite the fact that he'd rather spend money to go see the Georgia Bulldogs play instead of using the money to come here and meet my daughter, I know he will always be one of the most important people in my life. My other cousin... Well, I love her to death, but she's got her issues. She only speaks to people when she needs something. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to call and text her only to be ignored. In fact, I'm pretty sure I go ignored EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. But the second she needs a favor or wants to vent about the guy she's seeing, here I am willing to talk to her. Selfish.

My other best friend lives over 12 hours away and it'll probably be years before we get to see each other again. Neither one of us really makes the effort to talk much anymore, but that one's a little more understandable. We haven't seen each other since 2006 and people start to drift after 4 years of long-distance friendship.

I guess... my issue is I feel that the people I love don't care about me nearly as much as I care about them. They prove over and over again that I come second best. They prove that I'm only good because I'm loyal and will always be around when they're bored and can't find somebody better to talk to. And what kills me is the fact that I'd still do anything for all of them because that's the kind of person I am. I have faith that one day my life will be filled with people who genuinely care about me and won't mind putting effort into a friendship, but until then I'll settle for what I can get. It's better than being completely alone.

(On a less annoyed note, Emma is freaking adorable!)

Project 365, day 007.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Project 365, day 006.

So, I'm slowly trying to inch my way into learning how to cook. I say inch because, generally, I am a terrible cook. If I'm not screwing up the food, I'm finding ways to injure myself. I've even found ways to screw up the easy boxed mac & cheese. Who does that?! I just find cooking to be really fun for some reason. It's like a craft project and I always get really nervous waiting to see how someone likes what I've made. I've tried to make two things in the past week or so - Velveeta stuffed meatballs + peppers and garlic shrimp pasta with stuffed mushrooms. The meatballs sucked but the stuff I made tonight was pretty good.

(Totally om nom nom-worthy!)

I think I'm going to have to switch Emma's formula back to Similac Alimentum. Her spitting up is extreme on it but the switch to Goodstart Soy Plus has been HELL. It helps a little with the spitting up... sometimes, if I'm lucky... but it seems to be killing her stomach. She has been so constipated ever since the switch and it's killing me to see her in so much pain and not be able to do something to help. I was hoping her stomach would adjust to the formula switch but I think the soy is just way too problematic for her. Her spitting up is still pretty bad either way - she'll spit up at least half of what she eats - so I don't really know what to do. I'll probably have to keep trying formulas until I find one that sits well on her tummy.

Anyway, this 2:30am update was brought to you by the MTV Movie Awards distracting me too much to sleep. I'm only in it for the "exclusive" Harry Potter movie trailer. I feel like Twilight shit all over this television station because it's all they seem to be talking about. Team HP fo' lyfe! Okay, okay, time for sleep. Goodnightttt.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Project 365, day 005.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes... all you need is one."
Project 365, day 004.

Friday, June 4, 2010

So much to say and no time to say it.

Project 365, day 003.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Emma finally moved up to going 4 hours between feedings today. Her usual feeding schedule is every 2 1/2 hours which has been seriously kicking my ass. I still don't understand how she was up to 5oz, 5+ hours, and sleeping through the night around 5 weeks old and suddenly went back down to 2-3oz every 2-3 hours (and, no, not a growth spurt). I guess babies work in mysterious ways!

My life has improved tremendously since I was last writing in this thing. I've moved past all of the baggage I was holding on to and I've been trying my hardest to make the best of everything. I am now a true believer that good things happen when you least expect them to and that the people you need come into your life when you're not trying to find them.
Project 365, day 002.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Wow, it's been forever since I've posted something on here. I completely forgot I even had a blog! Well, needless to say, I had my baby and she's the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. She's been quite the sick baby and things have been tough, especially having to do everything completely alone, but I'm hoping things will be completely normal and a little easier soon. Emma will be 3 months old in 11 days. It's crazy how time flies.

Anyway, I guess I'm going to try to use this as a sort of Project 365 blog now. I'll try to write a more detailed update on Emma and how things have been for us soon.

Project 365;
06/02/2010 - 06/02/2011