Thursday, August 12, 2010

"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen."

I think I'm so used to being unhappy that whenever good things happen to me, it feels wrong. Like there's some kind of catch or like it's too good to be true. I'm always anticipating the end of a good thing instead of accepting it and thinking, "Hey, this might actually work out." I have an amazing boyfriend and the perfect baby girl. Parents who have stood by my side despite how badly I've fucked up in the short amount of time I've been around, and a grandmother who's made herself broke to make sure Emma and I will never go without. I am surrounded by love but it feels wrong to me so I subconsciously push people away and try to find little ways ruin it, and by the time I realize what I've done it's too late. It needs to stop.

I think things are going to start looking up now! Finally.


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